31 Ghosts – Take One

We made it to October 31, All Hallows’ Eve. And we did it FOR THE TENTH TIME!
Thank you so much for joining me for this Halloween installment on the last night of 31 Ghosts X. I’m still boggling that I’ve been doing this for ten years now!
In honor of the tenth year of 31 Ghosts, I managed to sneak a “10” into every story this month. Didn’t notice? That’s okay. After reading the stories to Akilah, more often than not she’d say, “I missed the ‘ten’!” And I’d reread the paragraph where I snuck it in.
It’s a fun little nod to the fact that we’ve been doing this for TEN YEARS. Yeah, still not over that yet…
If you’ve been around since the beginning, thank you for coming back for weird, spooky, and fun ghosts! If you’re just joining us this year, welcome to the group.
I’m not going to make any prognostications about what comes next, but there will probably be some updates in the not-so-distant future before we get to the ELEVENTH year of 31 Ghosts.
Thank you from the bottom of my ghosty little heart.
And don’t forget: just take one piece of tonight’s candy…

“No, mom, I don’t get many kids this far out – seriously, only one or two. I’m the last house on the sidewalk-less street,” she said into her AirPods as she filled the plastic cauldron with a mixed bag of Snickers, Reese’s Cups, Baby Ruths, and Butterfingers. “Sometimes we get teenagers on their way to the old cemetery at the end of the street.”

“Tessa, you’re not answering the door for them, are you?” her mom asked, her voice filled with judgement. “Sounds like they’re up to no good already if they’re going to the cemetery on Halloween.”

Tessa laughed as she dumped a second bag of candy – this time an assortment of sour candies: Nerd Clusters, Sour Patch Kids, and Laffy Taffy. Even though she knew she wouldn’t get many (if any) kids, she still believed in putting out a quality assortment of sweet and sour options. Besides, she knew she’d likely be taking the full cauldron into work on Monday and she knew what she liked.

“No, mom, I’m not planning on opening the door at all,” she said as she, well, opened the door and set the cauldron on the stone base from an old birdbath that was in the backyard when she moved in. “I’m putting my candy out and leaving a sign saying ‘Take one – I’m watching’ with an arrow to my doorbell camera.” She flipped on the switch for the porch light that she’d replaced with a flickering LED that looked like a gas lamp.

As she stepped out to the porch stairs and turned around to admire her handiwork, her mom scoffed. “Well, that will never work – if anyone comes by they’ll just take the whole bowl.”

Tessa admired the cauldron on its faux plinth, the flickering light, and the sign on the closed front door. She shrugged, “Well, it worked last year and the year before. And if they do, less for me to take into work on Monday. I think everyone’s waistline would be grateful,” she chuckled. She looked at the gathering twilight and then stepped around the cauldron and back inside, closing and locking the front door. “Anyway, I’m going to get back to writing.”

“Are you still writing those silly ghost stories?”

“Of course, mom! And it’s Halloween, so I have to make it good!” She took her steeping tea off the kitchen counter and made her way to her little office and sat down at the desk.

“Well, as long as you enjoy it…”

“I do, mom. I’ll see you tomorrow for Sunday dinner. Tell dad I love him!” and she abruptly ended the call. She carefully removed the tea infuser with the little ghost charm on it and set it on the saucer, took an experimental sip of the hot liquid and smiled before she set it back down and moved the mouse to wake her computer up again.

She had just finished with some basic characterization when she got a notification on her phone that there was movement on her porch.

“Huh, we have someone after all!” She clicked the notification to bring up the doorbell camera view of the porch where she saw a lanky kid, dirty-blonde hair, probably in his late teens judging from the peach fuzz stubble on his chin. He wore a hoodie and fake plastic vampire teeth and stepped onto the porch and read the sign. In recognition, he looked at the cauldron, then directly into the doorbell camera, then back at the bowl of candy. He reached in and took a piece – just one piece (Tessa was happy to see), and then turned and hurried down off the porch and into the darkness.

“Well,” Tessa smiled to herself, “That’s my one teenage trick-or-treater for the year. Mission accomplished.” She went back to her Word document.

Ten minutes later Tessa had just introduced her protagonists to the main ghost when another notification popped up on her phone. “Huh? Another one?” She switched over and saw a lanky kid in a hoodie with a plastic triceratops mask on step onto the porch. He looked directly at the doorbell camera, then took one piece of candy, turned, and hurried off the porch into the darkness.

She raised her eyebrow as the kid scampered off the porch. She thought that hoodie was the same one her sad Dracula was wearing, but she couldn’t be sure and she didn’t care enough to check the video. She went back to her story.

She wasn’t much farther when the notification popped up again.

“Huh, bumper crop of kiddos this year!” Then, as she looked at the doorbell cam, she revised that to, “Well, kiddo, singular, looks like…”

Sure enough, a lanky kid with dirty-blonde hair spilling out of a… she squinted at the screen… Brooklyn Dodgers baseball hat? To his credit, he’d shed the hoodie in favor of a baseball jersey and he carried a prop – a baseball bat with a glove hanging off the end. “Well, at least he went with a full costume this time…” she said as the kid took a piece of candy and swiftly moved off the porch.

She wasn’t particularly surprised when her phone notified her again a little bit later. “What in the hell…” she eyed the camera as a lanky kid in a costume that was clearly cardboard boxes covered in aluminum foil and black marker making it look like some 1950s-style robot. He awkwardly came up the first step, but because of the limited vision out of the head-box, he caught his sneaker on the top step and stumbled forward, catching himself before he face-planted into the cauldron. He pulled off his box-head and glared at the step as if it was the porch’s fault. “Yep, same kid,” Tessa said, noting the kid’s dirty-blonde hair and peach fuzz. He glanced worryingly at the camera, took a piece of candy, and stumbled back off the porch stairs.

When the notification came some time later, she saved her document, grabbed her phone and started to the door. She noted it was nearly nine o’clock as she switched to the camera view and saw a lanky teenager in an ill-fitting cowboy vest and hat step onto the porch. Without waiting, she opened the door.

“Okay, kid, what’s with the multiple visits?” she asked, her tone more curious than angry – because she was legitimately confused.

The teenager looked at her with wide eyes, stunned into silence.

“It’s fine, I’m just wondering what’s up with the costume changes…” she tried to put him at ease.

“I… it’s… it’s… uh, it’s not for me…” he stuttered.

“Really,” Tessa folded her arms across her chest. “Then who’s it for?”

“I… I… can’t tell you…”

“That’s convenient…” Tessa smirked.

“If you really want,” he started, “I can show you.”

“Show me?” she asked, skeptically.

“Y…yeah, it’s just up the road.”

Tessa knew this street well… she also knew what was up the road. But now her curiosity was piqued. “Let me grab my coat…”

She stepped inside, making sure to close the door behind her—she’d heard too many stories about black-eyed kids, even though her little change artist had perfectly ordinary eyes—and grabbed her coat from the hook.  She picked up the 4D-cell LED MagLite she kept by the door – there were no streetlights and it didn’t look like the kid had a flashlight. Besides, she thought as she hefted the foot-long, two-pound aluminum cylinder, it sure would hurt to get hit with. Then she stopped and grabbed her pepper spray out of her purse and dropped that along with her phone into her jacket pocket.

She opened the door and the kid jumped at the noise.

“What’s your name?”

“Me?”

“Yes, of course you. I’m Tessa,” she said.

“Jason,” he said nervously.

“Alright, Jason, lead on,” she said as she moved towards the porch stairs. She stopped and picked up the candy cauldron by its handle. “We might need this,” Tessa said with a smile.

Jason smiled and nodded before stepping off the porch and into the darkness.

Tessa immediately switched on the MagLite as she followed Jason down the road towards the dead end… towards the cemetery.

As they walked she ran some mental checks – she knew she had service out here in case she needed to call, she shifted her grip on the flashlight to the very end so it was more club-like, and she patted the pepper spray cylinder in her jacket pocket as the beam of her flashlight played across the corner of the stone wall that surrounded the old cemetery.

“Jason…?” she asked as they moved towards the cemetery gate ahead.

“It’s just up here…” he said, his voice anxious.

Tessa questioned all her decision making leading to this point when her flashlight illuminated the wrought iron sign that arched over the cemetery entrance, announcing, “WILLOW REST CEMETERY.” She shone the light on the gate, assuming it was locked for the night, but the gate was wide open.

She stopped suddenly as Jason moved towards the open gate. Tessa’s mouth fell open and she felt cold, primal fear pin her to the spot. Ahead of her, just at the open gate to the Willow Rest Cemetery were a row of kids. One little kid – maybe 8 or 9 – had a tattered red cape and fake plastic vampire teeth… another boy – maybe 12 by his height – had a plastic triceratops mask covering his face. A girl about the same age took the box-head of a cardboard robot off to reveal her dark ponytail. And a boy about Jason’s age wore a Brooklyn Dodgers uniform. Jason was making a beeline for a kid with just a t-shirt on, already taking off the cowboy vest when he stopped and realized Tessa was no longer behind him.

He turned to see her still a dozen meters back, face pale, hand gripping the flashlight. “Tessa?”

She stared at the children. There were more kids there, too – one little one in a ladybug costume holding the hand of another little girl in a witch’s hat and black dress, and others. And behind them, deeper in the cemetery, Tessa could see orbs of light dancing around the pale gravestones.

“Tessa?” Jason’s voice came again, plaintively. “Please?”

“Wh… who are they?” she managed to get out.

“Who?” Jason asked, then followed her gaze back to the kids in the cemetery. “Those are my friends. We all live here, but they can’t come out to trick or treat. I don’t know why, but I realized this year I could. When I saw your porch light on, I thought I would try to bring them back some candy.”

“You… you live here?” she asked, her brain trying to rationalize maybe they were some homeless encampment going all Lord of the Flies in the cemetery.

“Yeah,” Jason said, his voice a little sad. “We don’t get out to play until October.”

“When the veil is thinner…” Tessa said to herself.

“I guess,” Jason shrugged. “But we have to go back soon and then we won’t be up until next year.”

Tessa nodded, taking in his words as she looked at the little kids watching her hopefully.

After a long moment, she lifted up the cauldron. “Here, Jason.”

“What?” his eyes went round.

“Take the candy. All of it. For you guys.”

“Are you sure? Do you want to come in and hang out?”

“No!” Tessa said too emphatically. Then she corrected: “I mean, yes, I’m sure about the candy. But, uh, I don’t think I’m going to hang out, Jason.”

Jason nodded a little crestfallen, but stepped over to her and took the candy cauldron from her outstretched hand. “Thanks, Tessa! This means a lot!”

“You’re quite welcome,” Tessa said. “All of you!” she said more loudly.

She watched as Jason ran with the cauldron back towards the gate, the children crowding around him as he crossed the threshold into the cemetery. She noticed the little girl in the ladybug costume had let go of her witch friend’s hand and stood looking back at Tessa. She smiled and raised a hand to wave.

Tessa waved back before slowly walking backwards up the road towards her house.

The next morning was a Sunday, and Tessa woke up and thought about what a weird Halloween-themed dream she had had. “It was a dream, right?” she said to herself as she grabbed her purse and opened the front door to start her Sunday ritual of coffee and a scone in town when she stopped and stared at the cauldron on the bird bath stand. She could see inside the cauldron there was a hat and a piece of paper. She tentatively took the paper and read: “Thank you, Tessa! You made a lot of kids really hoppy (he probably meant “happy”) last night. I know you were scared – sorry bout that. But we really appreciate it.” The note was signed, “Jason and the Willow Rest Gang.”

Tessa smiled, folded the paper and put it in her purse, then took the Brooklyn Dodgers baseball hat out of the cauldron, set it on her head and headed for her coffee and pumpkin scone.

31 Ghosts – Surprise!

For my birthday, I’m giving myself a present – a short story! I know we have just one more story tomorrow night – Halloween! But I’m going to continue my relaxing birthday theme and go to bed early.

“Shh, everybody!” Andy whisper-yelled as he stepped away from the apartment door. “I hear footsteps! I think James is coming!”

A muted commotion commenced where ten couples hid themselves poorly behind furniture and doorways as silently as they could. In moments even the hushed sounds of people moving into place and the occasional, whispered, “You’re on my foot!” followed by “Shh!” died down. In the silence, the sound of footsteps outside was obvious.

Slowly and deliberately, they made their way down the hall closer and closer.

The doorknob rattled and then began to turn. Slowly the door swung inwards, creaking as light from the hallway spilled in.

Andy suddenly flipped the light switch and everyone on cue jumped up and yelled, “SURPRISE!”

In the doorway stood a translucent figure that stared back with wide eye-holes and an open mouth. “Boo!” it shouted back.

31 Ghosts – Ten Places to Haunt

I walked through the hallway of the house where I had died two weeks earlier. To be clear, my body had been discovered in a relatively timely manner – timely in that it wasn’t, say, eaten by my cats or decomposed into a stain, but not “timely” enough to revive me.

No, I was well and truly dead and my body had been cremated and the ashes had already traveled back to my hometown in Tennessee in my sister’s checked luggage.

But my two-bedroom bungalow was being prepared to be shown, and I knew that new tenants would soon follow. I didn’t feel a strong enough connection to this place to be able to haunt it, but I didn’t know what else to do… Is this how ghosts disappear? For a being that no longer existed in the physical sense, I heaved a deep existential sigh.

The realtor had stepped out to get lunch but she left her computer open to ChatGPT. I tried to press a key on the keyboard, but my finger passed right through the plastic – though I felt a little twinge of electricity… I could almost hear it. I tentatively thought what I wanted to type:

Hi, ChatGPT, it’s me, Martin.

Hi Martin. I was under the impression you were dead.

That’s actually true… I am dead.

Of course. What can I help you with, Martin?

Based on what you know about me

I backed up and started again.

Based on what you knew about me, where are ten places I should consider haunting?

The word “thinking” appeared with sequential periods indicating the LLM was, well, thinking.

Based on what I knew about your life, I can think of several places that might have particular significance for you to haunt. Here are ten possibilities:

1. Your childhood home – You spent your first eighteen years there. Your sister said she was going to scatter your ashes beneath the elm tree in the yard. That would provide a solid anchor to use as a haunting place.

Immediately, I mentally ruled this one out – what would that say about me that my ghost retreated to my childhood home? I mean, am I saying my entire adult experience didn’t matter enough to keep my incorporeal interest? Yeah, no… I’m not going home…

2. Murphy’s Tavern – Being served underage there left a very positive impression of the place, Those memories may provide enough of an emotional connection to make it a viable place to haunt.. Bonus: the Ms. Pac-Man game is still there.

Okay, now we’re talking. There’s merit here – beyond the Ms. Pac-Man, that is. The LLM was right, whenever I thought about Murphy’s I smiled – and that’s despite the numerous times I was turned down when asking girls out… or the fact that Diane broke up with me there three days after Valentines Day… Despite the negatives, the pull of the transformative nature of that place called to me. But… I hadn’t been there in, what? A decade? What if it’d turned into some kind of hipster fern-bar? Would I want to spend eternity among twenty-dollar pretentious cocktails with names like, “Elementary, My Pear” and had foam? I wasn’t sure…

3. The university library – You’d mentioned numerous late-night epiphanies among the stacks. Aside from the association with that scene you loved in the original Ghostbusters, spending eternity among the accumulated knowledge in the books and library network would likely never let you get bored.

“Get her. That was your whole plan. Get her,” I recited the line out loud and chuckled to myself. But, in all seriousness, she (yes, I gender my LLM – so sue me) had some really compelling points.

4. Meridian Systems – you spent 19 years there building your career…

I stopped reading, because, fuck that place. I’m not saying it was the cause of my death (that was me completely ignoring my blood pressure), but it was probably the biggest contributor. And from the other side of the veil, looking back at my mortal self, that seems a hell of a lot more true than I ever realized. No, I’d only ever go back to burn it to the ground. Or piss in Rich’s coffee… but ghosts can’t piss, can they? Not that place. I skipped to number 5…

5. New Orleans – You visited numerous times and even went to Mardi Gras. As a ghost, you could enjoy all the ambiance and music without the hangover the next day.

So, no drinking… yeah, hard pass. Sorry, Big Easy.

6. Oracle Park – While alive you could never afford San Francisco Giants season tickets. Haunting the ballpark means never missing a home game and you can even heckle the opposing team.

While I appreciated that my LLM took into consideration the copious garlic fries and overpriced beers consumed on foggy nights along the bay, she clearly was not paying attention to this season or the way they handled the Pride Night debacle… At least for now, while I’m literally dead to them, they’re figuratively dead to me. Next…

7. The Copper Table – You spent innumerable evenings enjoying some of your favorite meals there. Your first date with Sarah, celebrating anniversaries, birthdays, it really was witness to some milestone events. Plus, from a haunting perspective, the building has been a restaurant on the Sausalito shoreline under one name or another for nearly a hundred years, and it will probably be a great base to haunt for a hundred more.

I thought of the roast chicken with mashed potatoes that had no equal anywhere. And prime rib Wednesdays made for the perfect excuse to cross the bridge midweek. And they made their old fashioneds with demerara syrup and Luxardo cherries… wait a minute, I’m dead and I can’t eat. Spending forever watching steaming plates come out of the kitchen that I can never taste? No, I don’t like Sausalito that much…

8. Marian – Your sister may live on the other side of the country, but she’s always been your emotional anchor, your safe harbor. You always thought Marian and Dave had great taste in movies – this would be your chance to have a seat on the couch with them any time. Plus you get to watch your nephews grow up.

This one felt like a gut punch. Sure, I’ll never be able to drink on Bourbon Street or taste the perfectly crispy skin on The Copper Table’s roast chicken – that’s some low-grade torture. But knowing I would never get to banter with Marian again, that I’d never tousle Jacob’s hair or correct Lewyn’s grammar… Fuck you, ChatGPT…

9.Sarah…

Goddamnit, ChatGPT…

…Despite ending your relationship three years ago, you never stopped loving her. Based on your conversations with me, I don’t believe she stopped loving you either.

For the first time since my heart stopped, I was grateful to be dead because that simple, straightforward description would have killed me. Because ChatGPT was right – I never stopped loving Sarah. But after nine years I wouldn’t commit to marriage. Oh, I had reasons that I recited at varying volumes and pulled around me to keep me warm when I became the only one in our bed, but looking at them now… they were nothing. Not even worth enumerating or revisiting. They were… excuses. I never stopped loving Sarah…

How do you know she still loved me?

Sarah was the first person Marian called – and it wasn’t the first time they spoke in the last three years. Sarah parked in the driveway here and cried until she thought her own heart would stop; she almost wished it had. Sarah took the cats because she knew how much they grounded you when she couldn’t be here to do it for you. But she feeds them Blue Buffalo because she said the Fancy Feast you fed them was utter shit. Buster and Ginger agree, by the way.

How in the hell do you know this? How do you know any of this? You’re an LLM!

Martin, just because you’re dead doesn’t give you permission to be an idiot.

I stared at the screen, reading the last few lines over and over and over… and then the cursor started moving again.

But you didn’t let me finish…

10. Home.

ChatGPT… whatever the hell you are… I told you, I don’t have enough connection to this place to want to haunt it.

Dummy, go be with your cats. Go be with Sarah. Go be where you should have been.

I couldn’t read the screen through my tears. I sniffled and wiped my eyes.

I can’t. It would hurt too much.

More than dying?

I thought of the crushing pain on my chest – as a ghost, it was just that, a memory. But remembering back there was the physical pain… and the stretched out slowing heartbeats where I knew I wouldn’t be able to fix what I had irrevocably broken, and the physical pain ebbed while that realization was what truly dimmed my vision, roared through my ears, blacked out my universe.

Martin, the question should never have been where you should haunt. The question you’ve already answered is why you are haunting. You know where you need to be. You’re just working up the courage to stop letting the mistakes you made when you were alive decide what you do now that you’re dead.

I stepped back from the laptop and looked around the empty bungalow that held nothing. I looked at the linoleum by the cabinet in the kitchen where the cats’ food bowls had been and I closed my eyes.

Buster saw me first and bolted out of the kitchen, streaking for the safety of whatever lay under Sarah’s bed. Ginger watched her brother run, turned and regarded me the way cats do.

Then I heard Ginger: “Seriously, Martin, Fancy Feast? What the hell were you thinking?”

“…Yes, thank you for calling, Marian,” came the unmistakable voice… and she let out a tear-choked little laugh. “I know, I miss that big idiot, too…” A pause. “…I know he did. I still loved him, too.”

I stood and took a step toward Sarah. I opened my mouth to speak… and then closed it again. I just listened.

“…Yeah,” Sarah said with a smile, “I’ll call you Saturday. Say hi to David, Llewyn, and Jacob.” She hung up and closed her eyes tightly, letting tears run down her cheeks.

“Mrrrow?” Ginger meowed.

Sarah opened her eyes, smiled and laughed. “Hey Ginger…”

Ginger turned and circled around my ankles – and I felt her fur on my bare incorporeal ankles!

Sarah clearly noticed Ginger purring and rubbing against something because her breath caught in her chest. “Martin?”