Wrapping it up tonight!

“He’s late! Of course he’s late!” Gavin threw up his hands. “He’s just doing this to piss me off, you know?”

Sophie touched his arm, “Gavin, honey, he’s five minutes late.” She took a deep breath. “Please try to be friendly and civil? We need the ratings…”

“I’m a consummate professional,” Gavin said with a raised chin. “When the cameras roll I will be Arnold’s best friend. But when we’re not taping, that bastard can pound sand.” He punched his fist as he stalked around the foyer.

Sophie rolled her eyes and gave a “what can you do?” gesture to Todd.

“We’re finally going to meet Gavin’s arch-nemesis,” Mary rubbed her hands together with glee.

“After all this build up,” Gary said, “He can’t possibly live up to the villain status Gavin seems to make him out to be.”

Todd touched his ear, listening intently to his earpiece. “Arnold is here,” he announced to the Reeds. “Get ready for the arrival.” The filming lights flicked on and the camera operators moved to get their predefined angles while the boom operator positioned. Gavin and Sophie moved to the door and Gavin’s sour demeanor melted into his show persona.

The doorbell rang, and Sophie gave a deliberate look to Gavin and then opened the door.

In the doorway stood a tall, thin man, his dark hair slicked back with gray dappling his temples. Black, thick-rimmed square glasses perched on an aquiline nose, and he wore an immaculately tailored black velvet tuxedo jacket over a black shirt with a barely-noticeable dark gray paisley pattern. Clutched in front of him he held a well weathered dark brown leather-bound book. As the door opened, his face split into a smile that could have lit light bulbs.

Dennis whistled, “Bro’s got the rizz.”

Mary, eyes wide, “I have no idea what you just said, but I agree.”

Gary looked between the two and said, “Eh, he’s fine.”

“Gavin, Sophie,” the man’s rich voice rang out. “It’s wonderful to see you again!” He leaned in and kissed Sophie on both cheeks, then turned to Gavin who, perhaps afraid of cheek kisses let his professional mask slip for a split second as he flinched back, instinctively offering his hand. “Gavin,” Arnold’s smile grew brighter (if such a thing were possible) as he clasped Gavin’s hand in both of his and shook it warmly, “It’s been too long, my friend.”

“Yes,” Gavin replied smoothly, façade securely in place. “It has been too long…”

Arnold peered around them into the foyer. “I love this place,” he started.

“Where are our manners,” Sophie laughed. “Come in, Arnold, please…”

As Arnold stepped into the foyer and the camera crew pivoted to keep their angles, Gary saw a woman in an olive green jumpsuit step in behind him looking around. Her dark hair up in a serviceable bun, she had a loose demeanor and an easy smile as she gazed around.

“Who’s this?” Gary said aloud.

She turned to him and smiled brightly, “Oh, hi!” She moved directly to Gary and took his hand and shook it energetically. “I’m Captain Eleanor Harper – call me Ellie.”

Gary stood rooted and a little awestruck. “Captain?” he managed to ask.

“Well, I was assigned the rank posthumously – when I was flying with the WASPs we didn’t technically have ranks.”

“You were a pilot?” Gary said a little moony-eyed.

“I was, yeah. Until the liquid cooling on the Allison V12 went out on the P-40 I was flying out of Buffalo. I probably still could have gotten her down, but we were trying to outrun a storm and I descended into the teeth of the weather without power…”

By now Gary was straight-up googly-eyed. “Oh… you don’t say?”

“Ahem,” Mary loudly cleared her throat. “I’m his wife, Mary Daniels. This is our son, Dennis,” she gestured to Dennis who attempted what he must have thought was a hip, nonchalant pose.

“Hey,” he said with an accompanying chin nod.

Ellie beamed at them with a genuine smile. “It’s wonderful to meet you all! I’m Arnold’s spirit guide.”

“His what?” Mary asked.

Ellie nodded seriously, “Most clairvoyants can’t talk to just any ghosts. Most contact the spirit world through one ghost that can communicate with them – their spirit guide. That’s me!” She smiled. “I can’t wait to tell him I’ve met you and you’re here…” She started towards Arnold who was studiously talking shop with the Reeds while Todd’s camera minions filmed.

“Yeah…” Gary mooned, then realizing what she said, “I mean, no! Don’t! You can’t!”

Ellie stopped, her forehead creased in concern, “No?”

Mary stepped next to her husband. “We’ve been doing everything we can for the Reeds to not know we’re here.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because their douchbags,” Dennis said.

“Dennis!” Mary admonished.

Gary nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, I have to agree with Dennis. We’ve been fine haunting this place all these years – maybe a little scare here, maybe cohabitation there, depending on the family. But when the Reeds moved in damned and determined to profit off of our deaths…”

“It just seemed…” Mary searched for the word. “Well, kind of douchy,” she agreed.

Ellie took in their words. “I can see where you’re coming from. After the falling out between Arnold and the Reeds…”

“Yeah, what happened there?” Gary asked.

“Oh, you don’t know?”

The Daniels shook their heads.

“I met Arnold just before he started working with the Reeds on their podcast. After the first few investigations, they started calling us in on every place they went to. As the viewership grew, the Reeds started taking on the personas you see before you, and Arnold did, too. I think there was some jealously from Gavin because Arnold has me to communicate with the spirit world and Gavin has… well, he’s great with EMF readers. And he loves the spirit box…”

“Oh my God, I haven’t gotten a wink of sleep since they moved in – he runs that thing all frickin’ night!” Gary pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Yeah, he leans heavily on the gadgets… which I can see how you guys could pretty easily get around.”

“Exactly,” Mary smiled.

“As viewers kept requesting more and more of Arnold and me, another podcasting service offered us our own show.” She shrugged. “So, we took the opportunity. But it didn’t go over well with Gavin…”

“Yeah, so we’ve heard,” Gary said.

Ellie frowned, “I bet…” Ellie raised a mischievous eyebrow, “Alright,” she smiled. “I see where you’re coming from. I’ll play along. This might be fun!”

“…In the short time you’ve been here,” Gavin asked performatively, “have you encountered the spirits of the Daniels?”

Arnold’s perfect brows furrowed. “Let me consult my spirit guide…” he closed his eyes. “Eleanor, have you made contact with the spirits of the family that died here in this foyer.”

Ellie winked at Gary and strode over to Arnold’s side. “Sorry, boss. I haven’t met anyone so far.”

Eyes still closed, Arnold raised a brow in concern upon hearing Ellie. “I see…” he said gravely.

“What did she tell you?” Sophie asked excitedly.

He opened his brown eyes and said seriously, “She said she hasn’t encountered anyone on the spiritual plane in this house yet.”

Gavin and Sophie visibly deflated a bit.

“But there is still hope with our séance we can entice the spirits to commune with us,” he added hopefully.

“Séance?” Dennis asked.

“Yeah, it’s quite the production – dim lights, flickering candles. Usually the ghosts I meet are pretty excited to use the séance as an opportunity to tell their stories.”

“Yeah, no,” Mary shook her head.

Ellie held up her hands, “I get it. I just can’t wait to see what happens!”

The Reeds took Arnold on a tour of the house, room by room, hoping he would encounter something. Occasionally he would theatrically raise his hand to his head and say, “I’m sensing…”

Ellie would say, “There’s no one here.”

Arnold would shake his head dramatically, “It’s cloudy. There’s something… but it’s not clear.”

While the tour commenced, Todd’s minions set up a round table in the foyer with three heavy chairs and copious candles on and around the red velvet tablecloth.

Finally, the Reeds and Arnold gathered in the foyer around the table and Gavin spoke to the cameras. “We’re thankful that Arnold could make it back onto Haunt Pursuit after all this time.”

“It’s a privilege,” Arnold gave a little bow.

“We are excited to have Arnold lead a séance here in the location where the Daniels died,” Sophie said.

They all took their seats around the table, the lights were dimmed, and Gary imagined the background music playing ominously in post-production.

“Shall we begin?” Gavin asked.

Arnold offered a little nod and closed his eyes. “I call on my spirit guide, Eleanor, to help me communicate across the veil between this world and the afterlife…”

“Blah, blah, blah,” Dennis said.

Ellie nodded sympathetically, “It’s all about the show,” she said.

“I get it,” He nodded.

“…spirits of this house,” Arnold continued, “come forth and speak to me through Eleanor!”

“It’s quiet, Arnold,” Ellie said to him.

His brow furrowed again, and he let the silence linger. He asked again, “We beseech the denizens of the spirit realm to make themselves known…”

“Still nothing, boss.”

Arnold was quiet.

“Well?” Gavin asked expectantly.

Arnold sighed. “There are no spirits here,” he said in a resigned tone.

“Oh, come on!” Gavin exploded. “What kind of crap is this, Arnold?”

“What?” he held up his hands defensively.

“You’re telling me ‘Eleanor’” he made exaggerated air quotes around her name, “can’t make contact with three ghosts that are obviously here?”

“He really has become a massive douchebag,” Ellie nodded.

Arnold took a deep breath to maintain his demeanor. “Gavin, I don’t know what you want me to do. There’s no ghosts here. I can’t just make up some spirit contact…”

“Why not?” Gavin stood up. “We made you who you are, Arnold. Throw us a goddamn bone, here!”

Arnold stood up and shook his head. “I really used to like you Gavin…” he said sadly. He turned to Sophie and said conciliatorily, “Sophie, it has been genuinely good to see you again.” He turned and started for the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Gavin moved to intercept him.

Arnold stopped and faced him. “I’m leaving, Gavin. I’m not going to be part of a charade,” he turned and moved to the door.

“The hell you’re leaving,” Gavin lurched for Arnold.

Ellie stepped between Arnold and Gavin and let Gavin cross through her. The effect on the living man was akin to a taser, his body shaking from the unseen contact. “I got this, boss,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Ooh,” the Daniels all flinched in unison recognizing the toll this energy would take from Ellie… and seeing Gavin flail around like a fish out of water.

Arnold stopped on the threshold and regarded Gavin on the ground. “Goodbye, Gavin. Good luck with your not-haunted house.”

Ellie stepped after him. Her body now visibly transparent to the Daniels. “It really was great meeting you!” she said, clearly exhausted.

“Are you going to be okay?” Gary asked.

“Oh, this?” she gestured to her less-than-solid body. “Eh, I’ll be fine,” she said, bravado evident as her voice cracked a bit.

“Take care of yourself, please!” Mary said.

“I will,” she gave a wan smile and then turned and followed Arnold out.

Two weeks later, a “For Sale” sign appeared in front of the Daniels house.

Gary, Mary, and Dennis watched Andi stand in front of the house waiting for her next client.

“I missed Andi,” Mary smiled.

“It’s definitely good to see her again,” Gary nodded.

“Who knew we could chase people out of here by anti-haunting the place?” Dennis said.

A beige Infiniti SUV pulled up to the curb and a young couple stepped out and greeted Andi.

“Usually, I wait until after I’ve shown the house to tell you this is a ‘Stigmatized Property’.”

“Oh, we’ve heard,” the man said nodding at his wife. “We follow the Haunt Pursuit podcast. We figured that’s why it’s being offered so low.”

Andi arched a brow. “And that doesn’t bother you?”

The woman shook her head, “No, not at all. If a team of professional ghost hunters couldn’t find anything then that’s as clean a bill of health as you could ask for.”

“Exactly,” her husband agreed. “Besides, we don’t believe in that ghost nonsense anyway.”

“Oh, thank god!” Mary exclaimed with glee.

“We’re back!” Gary cheered.

“Let’s haunt the hell out of this norm-core duds!”

“Dennis, language!”