It was a busy day today, so I’m going for a short one tonight.

On our trip to Monterey, my best friend, Abby, said I snored. I told her I didn’t, but she swore up and down I did. I’ve never snored a day in my life and I took real offense to her accusation.

When I got back home I went on the app store and immediately downloaded the number one snoring app to prove (pseudo) scientifically that Abby was wrong. The app is called SnoreTrack and you just leave it running by your bed when you go to sleep. It records you sleeping and promises to “Unlock Better Sleep with AI-Powered SnoreTrack: Our advanced algorithms analyze your sleep breathing patterns to detect snoring and provide personalized solutions from our heuristic database, tailored to help you sleep soundly every night.”

That night, I fired up SnoreTrack, set my phone on the bedside table, and went to sleep, totally expecting an error in the morning because SnoreTrack didn’t detect any snoring because I don’t snore, Abby!

But that’s not what happened.

Well, there was an error. But it wasn’t because I didn’t snore – SnoreTrack said I did (lies!). But it also indicated I talked in my sleep and isolated the segments where I spoke.

I didn’t know I snored, let alone talked. I had no interest in listening to snoring, but I queued up the sleep talking bits. The first clip was an hour after I fell asleep and it’s more of a mumble: “No! I don’t… mumble mumble *snore*” Okay, the snore was super embarrassing…

Second sound came about an hour later, clear and distinct: “You breathe like I used to…”