31 Ghosts 2018: October 4 – The Unquiet Suburbs

I’m not going to say “I don’t believe in ghosts” because, well, it’s not that I didn’t believe in them, it was just that I’d never experienced them. It’s like… Lichtenstein – I’ve read about Lichtenstein, I’ve known people whose opinions I trust who say they’ve been there and it’s a lovely place. I have no reason to doubt the existence of Lichtenstein and maybe someday I’ll find myself crossing its borders and I’ll say to myself, “Wow, so this is Lichtenstein. Huh.” Until then, though, I’m open to Lichtenstein, but as far as first-hand experience I have simply never been to Lichtenstein.
We weren’t the first owners of our house by a long shot – a few years back I did some rewiring and discovered multiple generations of wiring styles, so I dug into the history of the place as much as I could from official records. Despite the rows of neat cookie-cutter homes around us in the cul-de-sac and down the street, it turns out our humble abode started way before this place became suburbia. The front wall – and even then, only a section hidden by modern drywall – are all that remain of the rough-hewn timbers that made up the diminutive farmhouse that occupied a quarter of our current house’s footprint. I saw a picture of the original place at the local historical society – little shack of a place flanked by newly-planted palm trees. Those palm trees are still there, but they tower above our now-two-story house and should have clued me in to the much older history within the walls. The family that lived here died and/or sold the acreage off and the new owners divvied up the land into parcels which eventually became our little slice of white-washed Americana, complete with “Drive like your kids live here!” sign beneath the ominous eye icon warning of the Neighborhood Watch.
Sure, we’ve had bumps in the night, but I chalked it up to house settling or roof rats. There’s your odd cold spot in the house, of course, but this place had been remodeled and remodeled and remodeled –there was even a fire in there somewhere – since the first owner sold it, so to expect it to be thermally tight… I gave up that battle long ago.
Still, though, there haven’t been any… I don’t know… full bodied apparitions? Demons in the closets? Hands reaching out of the television? I’ve seen all the tropes and our sleepy house on a sleepy street in a sleepy section of a sleepy town could tune in “Ghost Adventures,” but that’s as close as it ever really got to anything paranormal.
Until last night.
The old maple in the back has been dropping leaves from its enormous canopy which is a sure sign fall is here. That means one thing: parent teacher conferences. Ugh. Yeah, there’s also Pumpkin Spice Lattes, the crisp scent of winter coming, first rains, and of course Halloween, but those are all good things. Parent teacher conferences are the bane of my existence.
“Laura, do I have to go?” I whined as we both got into the Subaru.
Laura laughed at me, “Jenny, sweetie, you sound as bad as your daughter when I have to get her ready for school in the morning!”
“But I haaaaaaate Parent teacher conferences,” I kept up the channeling of Surly Teen.
She pulled me close and kissed my forehead. “There, there. It will be fine. I’ll even buy you frozen yogurt afterwards!”
I smiled. “Does that work with Amelia?”
“Well,” she said, “there’s a lot more eye rolling, and heavy sighing involved.”
“I could start again…”
She put her hand on my arm, “Jenny, I’m not afraid to get violent with you if you start again.”
We both laughed and I started the car and backed out of the garage.
I waited for the garage door to close while Laura searched through her purse. “Shit!”
“Problem?”
“There’s that damn packet with Amelia’s class information in it. I swore I put it in my purse…”
“Not there?”
“Must be on the counter.”
“Okay,” I said hitting the seat belt release, “I’ll get it.”
“Thank you, sweetie!” Laura smiled relieved. “It should be right there on the counter by the fridge.” As I stepped out of the car she hurriedly added, “…. If it’s not, then the kitchen table!”
“Got it!” I closed the door and jogged up the porch and neatly unlocked the door in a quick, fluid motion. I opened the door, stepped forward, and fell completely through the floor.
The floor didn’t give way structurally, no, it was as if the floor didn’t exist. I was so shocked as I pitched forward I didn’t have time to even call out. I fell into blackness for a moment before I had the sensation of swinging back up, like the arc of my fall brought me back up to the position I had been in. But I wasn’t in my house anymore – at least not the house I knew. Judging from the gaps in the boards of the walls, I guessed this place might have even predated the building incorporated into our house. I heard horses whinnying and stomping around outside, dust from their feet permeating the house and dimming the already wan lamplight. A black man in overalls rushed past me close enough for me to smell his sweat and fear. He turned the wheel on the oil lamp that sat on the table in the middle of the single room, extinguishing its light such that the only light was streaming chaotically through the windows – torches. He crossed to where a woman crouched, sheltering two young children in the corner next to the cast iron stove.
“I’m going to see what’s going on,” he told her. In his free hand he held an old rifle I could see even in the poor light seemed rusty.
“Oh God, James, don’t!” she pleaded, terror in her voice.
“Daddy, no!” the young boy begged. His sister added, “Daddy?” from under the other protective arm of their mother.
“Can’t be helped,” James said. He levered the bolt on the rifle to chamber a round. “I’m just going to talk. Stay here,” he said in a steady voice. He crossed past me to the door, put his hand on the door knob, and yelled, “I’m coming out! You hear?”
“Come on out Jimmy,” a voice called back from outside.
He opened the door and I could see men on horseback outside brandishing guns and torches. James stepped out onto the porch.
“He’s got a gun!” someone yelled.
James spread his arms wide, the rifle held in one hand perpendicular to the ground. “I’m just taking care of my family,” he said.
“You’re not welcome here,” the first voice said flatly.
“Sheriff,” James started, “I bought this land myself. I own it outright. I’ve as much right as you do to your land.”
I turned back to the woman and kids on the floor, and I crossed to them and knelt down. The boy stared past me, while the woman clenched her eyes closed, her lips moving in silent prayer. The little girl, maybe five, looked directly at me. She saw me. She stared directly into my eyes…
A gunshot shattered the night. Screams. More gunshots. More screams. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from that little girl’s eyes. The house, the gunshots, the screams, all faded out so it was just me and the girl, eyes locked, silence around us now, heavy like a cloak.
“Remember,” she said. I fell through the floor again.
This time the landing wasn’t nearly as graceful, and I hit carpeted floor on all fours with a crash that drove me bodily down. I opened my eyes and the wide room was lit by candles, but I could see from the décor that this wasn’t the old cabin. This wasn’t even the house I’d seen in the picture at the historical society. No, looking around the room, it had the same layout as the house we lived in… the stairway wasn’t there for the upper story, and the shag carpet, plaid couches, and ovoid lamp with an oversized shade suggested this had to be sometime in the late 1960’s. The candlelight came from the dining room table at the back of the room where four teens crowded around a table, the candles providing ambiance.
I stood gingerly, steading myself on the edge of the sofa. As I did, I could see what the kids were doing – all four crowded hands onto the planchette of a Ouija board. “Well, shit,” I said aloud, “this can’t possibly end well.”
The kids couldn’t hear me and they were in the process of spelling out a word anyway. “T…” they said in unison as the planchette slid to the next letter, “A!”
“Santa?” one of the boys asked.
“There wasn’t an ‘N’, dummy,” the other boy snapped.
“Shh! It’s still moving!” one of the girls chided.
“’N’” they said solemnly. The other girl stated the complete word, “Satan.”
“Okay, who was moving it?” the first girl, a short girl with a short page-boy haircut. Everyone issued denials, but the first boy who seemed younger than the other three fell quiet and sat back suddenly in his chair.
“Davey, are you okay?” the second girl, taller and more wiry than the others with long dark hair asked with concern. Davey started jerking involuntarily, seemingly in the throes of a massive seizure.
Davey’s mouth opened and a guttural voice barked, “Get. Out!”
The shorter girl reached for his arm but jerked her hand back, Jenny could hear and smell the sound of skin searing from across the room. She stepped forwards towards the kids just as the other boy bumped the table, knocking one of the candles off the table. The flame touched the gauzy shears over the window which instantly erupted in angry fire. The jerking boy slumped forward and the tall girl grabbed him by the torso and pulled him from the chair. All three struggled past me for the front door as the flames spread with uncanny speed along the walls, licking the ceiling, smoke rapidly filling the space.
Jenny could smell the fire, feel the heat, but the smoke didn’t choke her. She lost sight of the kids as the room darkened with thick, billowing smoke. She heard the crackle of the fire, felt the rush of cold air as one of the kids must have reached the front door. The fresh air caused the fire to surge with piercing intensity and blinding brilliance. Jenny could hear the sound of approaching fire trucks as the smoke closed in again, blotting the flames in a chaotic, strobe-like manner. The fire became a deafening roar filling her senses, the heat unbearable…
Jenny stood panting in the middle of her front room, the only illumination the last light of the evening pouring in through the open front door behind her. She stared around in the dark silence, her eyes taking inventory of their couch, their flat screen tv, the family pictures on the wall… it was their house. Their house…
She took a tentative step forward, then another, and another, and found herself in the kitchen. She immediately saw the folder on the counter next to the stove, and that artifact grounded her, settling her into reality. She caught her breath in the quiet dimness and sagged against the refrigerator for a moment.
Sighing, Jenny turned and started back out through the kitchen for the front door and came to an abrupt stop as a little black girl in a gunny sack dress stood in her path. Jenny stared down into those arresting eyes again. Once again the girl said simply “Remember,” and then Jenny stood alone again in the front room. She stared around, then delicately started forward again, grateful that the floor held. She closed the door behind her and hurried to the car, dropping heavily into the driver’s seat.
“Was it there on the counter?” Laura asked. “Jenny? Are you okay?”
Jenny sat, eyes wide, handed the folder to Laura without turning her head. She mumbled something incomprehensible.
“Jenny? What did you say? What’s wrong?”
Jenny turned to face Laura and repeated slowly, “I’ve been to Lichtenstein.”

31 Ghosts 2018: October 3 – Unhappy Meal

Yes, this is a short one – I have class on Wednesdays at the JC (Adobe InDesign). Sorry about that. But I have a ghost for you! 

Photo by Marc Kleen on UnsplashBy all accounts, Lacy was having a shitty night.

That jerk-off Andy was a no-show for his shift and Ohmi had burned a basket of fries… During the middle of the night rush her daughter, Sam, called in the midst of a screaming fight with her brother.

“I don’t have time for this now!” Lacy told them, “I told you to only call me in case of an emergency.”

“This is an emergency! Tyson is trying to put my dance shoes down the garbage disposal!”

“Are you dead?”

“What? No,” she said her tone making up for the omitted, “duh.”

“Are you dying?”

“No, mom…”

“Then figure. It. Out!” she hung up just as the drive-through alarm chimed indicating someone was there. She shook her head, took a deep breath and forced her mouth into a smile before saying, “Welcome to Jack In The Box. What can I get for you?”

“Hi!” the voice came back a little too chipper for Lacy’s night. “How are you?”

She tried to meet cheerfulness with cheerfulness. “I’m great, thanks for asking. What can I get started for you?”

“Oh, umm, I’ll take the Jumbo Jack combo with a coke and…. Uh, can I get that with curly fries?”

“Sure can,” she responded. He didn’t sound like an asshole. That was something. “Small, medium, or large?”

“Umm… large! Go big or go home, right?”

“I suppose so,” she smiled despite herself. “I’ll have your total at the window.”

“Great. Thanks!”

She could hear Ohmi putting down the fryer basket for the curly fries. “Let’s not burn those this time, okay?”

“Yeah, boss!” Ohmi called back.

Lacy filled the large cup with ice and a coke as the headlights from the customer’s car approached down the narrow drive through lane. She heard the car stop as she surveyed how Ohmi was coming with the rest of the order, then looked at the register for the total. Finally, she reflexively opened the window and leaned out to tell the… driverless car…

“What the hell?” she said aloud. Then she remembered the YouTube videos where a kid would cover himself with upholstery making it look like no one was in the front seat. “Very funny. What kind of crap is this?” As she looked inside the Honda Civic, the driver’s seat looked identical to the passenger seat. The overhead light shone into the car just right so she could see down into the footwell where no feet rested on pedals…

“What’s the total?” a voice came from inside the car. Not from a speaker in the car, not from some hidden compartment in the car, but as present as if it came from a person sitting right there in the front seat. But there was no person.

“Uh…” Lacy stammered. “Eight… uh… sixty five.” Her eyes roved  over the interior looking for the hidden driver, the remote control, the speaker… something to explain this. She jumped as a chime next to her startled her – the NFC payment sensor indicating it registered a valid payment source. But she was just staring out the window – nothing came remotely close to the NFC pad right next to her…

“Ah!” she shrieked as Ohmi tapped her on the back, indicating the bagged order.

“Ohmi, Ohmi, look at this!” She pointed at the car. Ohmi rolled his eyes and walked away without paying attention.

“Something wrong?” the voice came from the empty car again.

“N–No,” Lacy said. “Your order is right here.” She reached the back out the window. She felt something take the bag. She let go and the bag floated down into the car. Lacy held out the soda with a straw. It left her hand and floated down into the car. She stared slack-jawed.

“Have a nice day!” the voice said as the empty car navigated the curve into the parking lot and then out onto the street.

31 Ghosts 2018: October 2 – When You Meet Yourself

I don’t remember seeing the car that hit us. Hell, I don’t remember being hit… I remember getting in the car with Jeff. I remember heading out to the movie theater. I remember the podcast he put on. And then I don’t remember.

Until I woke up in the hospital two weeks later with my family around me. But not Jeff… After the doctors ran tests, shone lights in my eyes, MRIs… after all of that, they told me about Jeff. But even though I don’t remember what happened – the accident itself – I knew he was gone. I could feel it. And I was told.

Let me back up…

Between the accident and waking up in the ICU, I have a gap in my memory. I can’t tell you anything about the SUV t-boning us at high speed, about the jaws-of-life, the Life Flight, surgeries, transfusions, laying in a coma – I can’t speak to that. But during that time I can tell you what happened.

At one point on that fateful night, lying on the operating table in the trauma center I died. No one told me that. I haven’t asked about it because I was there. I opened my eyes and saw myself lying there on the table, surrounded by doctors running around frantically while that steady whine of the EKG machine flatlining – the same one we’ve all heard in a million hospital procedurals. But you don’t expect to hear it while watching your body on the table. Bloody.

Then I found myself up in the corner of the room, seemingly floating, staring down as they brought in the crash cart, yelled “clear!” and jolted my chest. Nothing. They were charging to try again when I heard a rush like the sound of an enormous wave on a beach – exactly like a wave on a beach! The room brightened to blinding and I had to close my eyes against it.

Opening my eyes, I no longer stood – or floated – in the operating room. It was dark and heavy garments pressed against me. Before I had a chance to make sense of it, the darkness parted as a pair of doors accordioned open in front of me.

“There you are!” my uncle Dave smiled at me. “What are you doing in the closet?” I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t know what I was doing in a closet myself. He reached a big hand in towards me and I took it, pulling myself past the hanging jackets and scarves and out into the light of the foyer… of my childhood house. I stared around, remembering the multi-colored throw rug that dominated the floor, the fake-thatch textured gold wallpaper… I heard voices down the hall and turned towards them.

“Hey, Amy,” my uncle Dave’s voice turned me around to face him. He stood smiling at me in his beige suede sports jacket, the wide lapels of his shirt overlapping the collar of the coat, the shirt itself unbuttoned far enough to show copious chest hair. “Amy, are you with me, girl?”

“Uncle Dave?”

“Who else?” his face creased into a warm smile. “Look, honey, shit’s gonna get weird here, so I need you to listen to me.” I remembered he was never afraid to curse in front of us, much to the consternation of his sister, my mom. “Can you do that?”

“Uncle Dave, you’re…. you’re dead.”

“Amy, I need you to focus. Okay? Yes, I’m dead. So are you. That’s why I need you to listen to me. Can you do that?”

I nodded. I heard cackling laughter down the hallway – I knew that laughter. It was my grandmother. She died when I was young…

“Amy,” he snapped his fingers rapidly in front of my face, “Earth to Amy. Heh,” he chuckled, “I guess that’s kinda funny. Okay, Ames, look, you’re dead. I’m dead. We’re all dead here.”

“Is this… heaven?”

“Uh…” he held out his hand palm down and tipped it one way and then the other, “yes and no. It’s complicated. Look, we don’t have time to go into it now, but we’ve got to talk. You were in an accident. Do you remember that?”

“Accident?” I said still a little dazed. The memory of my body flooded into me and sucked my breath out. “Oh god. Oh god! Jeff! Where’s Jeff?”

“Honey… Jeff didn’t make it.”

“No, no, no!” I started to cry. I clutched at uncle Dave’s jacket. I was dimly aware that the talking and laughter down the hallway had stopped. “Oh god, no!”

Uncle Dave folded me into his big arms and I remembered his Old Spice and leather smell from when I was a little girl – it calmed me a little.

“You said I’m dead, too?” I squeaked.

“Eh,” he started, “That’s not so cut and dry.”

“Dave? Honey, did you find Amy?” I heard a voice float down the hall. I knew that voice. It was my aunt Gale.

“Yeah, I’ve got her. We’re talking. I’ll be back in a few.”

“And Amy?” the voice asked.

Uncle Dave looked down at me, patted my hair and called back, “I don’t know yet.”

“Can I see him? If we’re both dead, can I see him?”

“Honey, that’s the thing. He died instantly. He’s here…”

“Here?!” I cut him off excitedly.

“Here… sort of. Not exactly here-here. But on this side. You’re… what do you remember?”

“We were going to the movies… Tabitha was with the sitter… Oh god, Uncle Dave, how’s Tabitha?!”

“She’s fine, Ames, she’s fine. Keep going…”

“I was in an operating room. My body… flatlining…” I looked up at him, “I was dying”.

He nodded sympathetically. “Yeah. The important part there is the ‘dying’ part – active. You’re… in between.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, that’s up to you. You have to decide. Down that hallway,” he nodded past the macramé owl hanging, “is Gale, your Nana, everyone.”

“Jeff?!” I asked quickly. He nodded and I tried to jerk away to run down the hallway, but he held me firmly.

“Whoa, Ames, hold on there!”

I wriggled to get free but he held on.

“Amy!” he said stridently and I stopped. “Listen to me! You go down that hallway and you’re here. Do you understand? You’re here for good. No more living, no more Tabitha.”

That got my attention. The tears started down my cheeks before I was aware I was even crying. “I have to choose?!” I sobbed.

“Ames,” he said petting my hair again, “I know it fucking sucks, girl…”

“I have to choose?” I cried.

“Yeah,” he said sadly. “And what’s worse, Ames, is you have to do it quickly. I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules….”

I pushed back from him enough to look up into his eyes. “Tabitha,” I said. “I have to be with Tabitha.”

“I thought you’d say that.”

Laughter rolled down the hallway… this time it was Jeff’s. I knew that laugh so well…

“Will you tell him…” I broke down sobbing.

“I got ya, Ames. I know,” uncle Dave held me again. I let myself be enveloped and I closed my eyes.

The voices from the hallway ceased. I looked up and uncle Dave was with me standing in the trauma center.

“Clear!” I heard the doctor yell, then watched my body jerk under the shock from the defibrillator. And the flatline evaporated into the “beep! Beep!” of a heartbeat.

“I’m alive?” I said.

Dave held out his hand and made that so-so gesture again and nodded towards a figure I hadn’t noticed before. She stood behind the doctors and stared on. I almost jumped.

“That’s me!”

“Technically, that’s your ghost.”

“Who meets their own ghost?!” I yelled back.

The figure turned and regarded me with black eyes. I felt a chill run through me.

“Uncle Dave…. What the hell?” I asked, but Uncle Dave was gone. Ghost Me started across the operating room towards me. I’m not ashamed to tell you I freaked out a little bit. I moved quickly to put the knot of doctors and nurses – and my body – between me and Ghost me. She circled as I did, staring at me with those empty eyes. I first thought it was ridiculous running away from my own ghost. But as she fixed on me with those empty, black eyes, I knew in my core this wasn’t good. I don’t know how long we circled like that, but it seemed like forever. Eventually the doctors stabilized my body and they moved me to a gurney. Ghost me stopped as we both regarded me – our? – body, following the nurses pushing our body through the corridors.

At some point I lost track of Ghost Me or she dematerialized… I don’t know. I stayed with my body and saw my family and Tabitha visit and the sun come up outside my window. Ghost me came back once or twice and hovered around, but never approached or even regarded me. After a few days – they didn’t seem like days, time just… flowed – the ghost didn’t return. I started to get tired and I closed my eyes for just a moment…

And I woke up with my family around me. Mom, Dad, Tabitha… but not Jeff.

It’s been months now and I just got home. It’s going to be a long road back, but my baby girl is with me. That was my choice. I still don’t know what the ghost wanted with me in the operating room. I think she wanted to… merge? Does that make sense? But I’d made my decision to live and no ghost was going to take that from me again. I haven’t seen her since I came out of the coma and I don’t think I will, but when I catch my shadow on a wall, sometimes I swear it twitches on its own…