“Hey Chowhounds, it’s your guy, Andre,” the black man with an enormous bundle of dreadlocks tied up over his head. He waves at the camera before it swings right to a woman with close-cropped blue hair and a lip ring.
“…And your girl, Sadie,” she announces in a Cockney British accent. “FoodFinders is back to figure out where your Grubhub meal is coming from. Tonight we’re ordering from… Andre? Where are we ordering from?
The camera switches to a computer screen logged in to GrubHub. “We’re thinking of Thai food,”
Andre voices over. The cursor hovers over the first entry, “Jitlada Thai Cuisine, they’re over on Buchanan,” to the next entry, “iThai Bangkok is on Post.”
The cursor moves to the next entry and Sadie’s voice cuts in, “This one, though – ‘All Thai’d Up’ – doesn’t have a brick and mortar address.”
“And you know what that means?” Andre asks.
“It’s a ghost kitchen,” Sadie responds. The camera switches to Sadie in a puffy jacked walking down Market Street. “In case you’re new to FoodFinders, we like to chase down the latest food trend of ghost kitchens. These are places you’ve probably ordered from on GrubHub or FoodJets, or Uber Eats, or what have you that doesn’t exactly exist…”
The camera moves to Andre next to her, “Well, they exist, but they’re not a restaurant you could go and sit down for a meal. They’re only there to make food for these services. We think you should know where you’re food is coming from, so stick with us and let’s chase this down!”
Quick cut to Andre and Sadie sitting on couches next to each other eating noodles out of Styrofoam containers. “We ordered from All Thai’d Up to see whether they’re worth chasing down. Gotta say,” she takes a forkful of saffron-tinted noodles and jerks to catch the noodles as they fall off her fork. She chews and swallows while smiling and her cheeks redden, “Heh, they’re really good.”
Camera moves to Andre who just finished a bite from his container. “Agreed,” he said. “You know the drill: we bribed our driver to figure out where picked up our order.”
“Let’s go!” Sadie says enthusiastically, setting her container down on the couch next to her like she’s really going to get up and go right then.
Camera cuts to the inside of a car at night. Andre and Sadie are sitting side by side in the back of the car. “One lovely Lyft ride and we’re coming up on our destination,” Sadie says as Andre points out the window. “We’re in the Dogpatch, 20th Street and…”
“Here?” a voice off camera – presumably, the Lyft driver.
“Yeah, man, right here is fine,” Andre tells him.
The picture gets shaky as the person working the camera clambers out of the car before resolving on Andre and Sadie walking under orange-tinted sodium streetlights across a parking lot towards a large white trailer taking up four parking spaces. On one end a big sign over a closed window reads “FOOD PICK UP HERE” in block letters. Left of the window a number of name placards are taped to the trailer: “Big Joe’s BBQ”; “Spoon & Spatula”; “Just Wing It”; and finally, “All Thai’d Up”.
Sadie marches up to the window and knocks loudly, “Excuse me! Excuse me!”
The window opens and a man asks “Who are you picking up for?”
“We’re vloggers,” Sadie says as if that explains everything. The man gives her an utterly confused look.
“Dawg,” Andre moves up next to her, “Can we talk to the chef?”
Confusion turns to befuddlement. The man starts speaking Spanish to someone inside as he closes the window. Through the closed window, the camera looks over Sadie and Andre’s shoulder at the animated conversation the man is having.
Sadie turns back to the camera, “Let’s see if they want to talk!”
The camera cuts to the door opening and a Hispanic man with wire rimmed glasses and red cheeks over a lightly-stained white apron stepped out wiping his hands on a kitchen towel. “Hi?”
“Hi, sir, I’m Andre,” Andre hits him with a broad smile and thrusts out his hand before remembering plague etiquette and offers him his elbow to bump.
The chef hesitantly bumps elbows.
“We’re run a YouTube channel called FoodFinders,” Sadie explains offering her elbow to bump. “We want to talk to the people behind the food that doesn’t have a storefront! What’s your name?”
“Antonio?” the chef says nervously.
“Antonio…?” Andre prompts.
“Antonio Moreno.”
“Where did you work before you started here?” Andre asks.
“I was sous at Martin’s Tavern on Montgomery for six years. Laid off in March, during lockdown.”
“That’s terrible!” Sadie exclaims.
“How long have you been chef here?” Andre asks.
“Uh…,” he thinks a second, “May?”
“We had the pad Thai from All Thai’d Up tonight,” Sadie says.
“It was the bomb,” Andre nods.
The chef smiles, “Thank you.”
And Andre and Sadie quiz the chef for another five minutes about cooking in San Francisco, how he likes this gig, etc, etc. Eventually Antonio explains he has to go back inside. The door closes, and Sadie and Andre step away from the trailer. The camera frames their faces with the trailer in the background.
“That’s it for this edition of FoodFinders!” Sadie says.
“We hope you enjoyed us dispelling a little mystery about one of the latest ghost kitchens!”
“Don’t forget to ‘Like,’ ‘Subscribe,’ and comment,” Sadie says.
“And hit the bell to be notified of new videos!”
“Until next time…” Sadie starts and then in practiced, cheesy irony they both say “Bon Appetit!”
***
“Hey Chowhounds, Andre here.”
The camera switches, “I’m Sadie and FoodFinders is back to figure out where your UberEats meal is coming from. What are you feeling like tonight, Andre?”
The camera switches to a computer screen logged in to UberEats. “How about tacos…,” Andre voices over, The cursor hovers over the first entry, “Tacos San Buena?”
“On Pacific,” Sadie’s voice answers.
“Judie’s Tacos Locos?”
“Mission Street over on Rincon Hill.”
“Okay, how about… Gravedigger Tacos?”
Sadie and Andre walk down a dark section of Broadway at night. As the headlights of cars stream by occasionally, Sadie says to the camera, “That was delish! We slipped a twenty to our lovely UberEats lady who passed us the address she picked up our amazing tacos…”
A white Nissan Altima with a bright Lyft sign pulls up to the curb. Andre confirms with the driver through the passenger window, then opens the door for Sadie, “Let’s see what we find!”
The camera catches Sadie mid-question, “…Laurel Heights?”
“No, this is weird.”
“The address is right, though, yeah?” The camera man’s voice is heard for the first time.
“Yeah, yeah, California and Spruce… There, across the street,” he leans towards the driver out of frame, “Here’s fine.”
“This can’t be right…” Sadie says quizzically.
The camera abruptly cuts to Andre and Sadie crossing California Street walking towards an unlit vacant lot. A trailer sits in the middle of the poorly lit lot. “FOOD PICK UP HERE” in block letters over a window in the trailer. A dark window.
“What the hell?” Andre says as they step into the lot.
“Do you think she’s having a go with us?” Sadie asks.
“I don’t know…”
The camera follows them up to the side of the dark trailer where a list of name placards are taped to the trailer: “In The Groundz Roasters”; “Burnt Ends BBQ”; “Gravedigger Tacos”; “Wok’d Off A Cliff Stir fry”; “I Scream Ice Creamery”.
“…The hell?”
“You keep saying that,” Sadie says. She reaches up past him and knocks on the dark window. “Hello? Hello?” Unsurprisingly, no response from the dark window.
“Let’s order something from another restaurant and see if they really pick up here,” Andre suggests as he takes out his phone.
Sadie follows suit with her phone and starts searching, “If we can find them…”
Quick cut as time passes. Andre says “Okay, okay, FoodJets has Wok’d Off A Cliff. I’m gonna order… chicken and,” he pokes at the screen, “snow peas.” A moment passes. “Alright, that’s done. He smiles into the camera, “Now we wait.” Clearly thinking the cut is over, he drops the smile and addresses the man holding the camera, “Miles, while we’re waiting see what you can find about this place…”
“Like… this lot?” Miles replies from off camera.
“Yeah, yeah…” The shot ends.
The camera is pointing at the ground and then swings around dizzily as Sadie can be heard saying, “Here they come!” The picture resolves on a white Honda Fit pulling into the lot. It circles tightly around the trailer dodging potholes in the dirt. A skinny Indian man in his early twenties steps out and eyes Andre, Sadie, and the camera suspiciously. “Hi Sir,” Sadie says, “Are you picking up Wok’d Off A Cliff?”
The man nods, “Yes.”
“Have you picked up from here before?” Andre asks.
“Yes. This morning. Coffee order from Groundz.”
“Was it dark like this?”
“In the morning?” The man asks confused.
“No,” Andre corrects himself, “Not like dark-dark… it doesn’t look like anyone’s in the trailer. Was it like that this morning?”
“Yes,” he says, then walks by them towards the window.
As the camera looks over the driver’s shoulder, the dark window slowly opens. From the darkness a brown grocery bag with folded top and an order form stapled to it moves out of the darkness slowly a few inches clearing the window which shuts slowly by itself again. The camera, with a clear view of the entire window shows no movement or light from inside – just the window opening, the bag, then the window closing.
“What the hell?” Andre says.
“Oh my God,” Sadie gapes.
The driver, completely unphased, walks to the counter, takes the bag and starts back to his car.
Andre snaps out of his amazement first and intercepts the driver, “Actually, that’s for us.” When the driver looks confused, Andre says, “Andre Tower? 781 Broadway, 202?” The driver looks at the tag nods to himself, then shrugs and hands Andre the bag. Andre hands him a five dollar bill as the camera moves to close in on Sadie who is still staring at the closed, dark window.
“Did you get that?” she asks the camera.
“Yeah,” Miles says from behind the camera. “And I found out something about this lot…”
“What?” Sadie turns to the camera.
“Uh… this block, this whole area… this used to be a cemetery.”
“You’re shitting me,” Andre’s voice comes in from off screen.
“No, Laurel Hill Cemetery. Biggest in San Francisco before they moved everything to Colma back in the thirties.”
“No,” Sadie says exhasperated. “No!” she repeats into the camera then turns and walks deliberately towards the trailer.
“Sadie, where are you going?” Andre asks as the camera shakily follows her.
Sadie walks past the dark window, puts her hand on the knob of the door next to the window and rattles it experimentally. She looks back at the camera over her shoulder, “It’s unlocked.”
“Sadie, wait…” Andre’s voice tries to stop her.
Sadie opens the door and steps inside in one movement.
Silence as she stands inside the darkened doorway staring inside.
“It’s…” she starts. “There’s…”
“What?” Andre’s voice comes in.
“Oh my God!” she yells as the video cuts off in static.
The screen goes black.
